Sunday, September 30, 2012

Choosing Happiness

I haven't written here in a month.

There's a reason for that. I'm sure of it, but at this point trying to find the words that actually go along with that reason is a task that is far beyond my ability.

The past month has been a whirlwind of emotions and after last night's debacle, I knew that it was time for me to get back to what I knew best--writing it out. Taking time to reflect on all the mistakes that were made over the course of the past month and just...figure out the next step.

See, for me writing isn't just a form of letting ideas out, it is my form of therapy. I stopped writing at one point and thought that I would be fine, but for someone like myself who has a tendency to obsess over the past, having a written record is really the best thing to possess to avoid mentally recreating things that just...aren't real.

When I logged into my blog to write this post, sitting at the top of the list was an empty draft for a post titled Choosing Happiness...precisely what I needed to see and what I need to do. The past 48 hours have been nothing but me moping around on the brink of emotional breakdown because of doing what I have always done: be an impetuous, hopeful romantic...and because of that choice, I had found myself drowning in a sea of stupid, negative thoughts that I just couldn't seem to get out of.

Enter Mr. Flowers from stage left...

Not to romanticize my friends, but talk about a knight in shining armor. Armed with a hook (emblazoned with the words common sense on its side) he grabbed me out of this disgusting pool of self pity by talking to me and helping me see things from a different perspective. While there was much talk of me putting on my "big girl pants" there was also some deeper talk that was necessary beyond his own knowledge, I'm sure.

Bottom line: Sometimes you need someone to remind you why you need to choose happiness and why you deserve happiness.

Moving forward...today I am choosing happiness and every day from here on out I will do the same. I will wake up and make an active choice, a real decision, to choose to be happy, to appreciate my unique experiences here--the good, the bad, and the atrocious, because ugly simply doesn't give it justice. While I may never drop my impetuous ways, I certainly know where I can allow them to prosper and breathe and where I will put them on the back burner for the sake of my own sanity.

Today, I choose happiness...I will make today the best September 30, 2012 it could possibly be...because you don't get to do it over, you just have to live with what you're given and make the most of every single opportunity that you've been afforded.
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