Unexpected surprises

I've never known much about my parent's relationship - I never asked too many questions. I know my mother had me in college, that my biological father, E, wasn't ready and that she raised me in an amazing fashion. I know that at some point she says she was thinking about what she wanted from a man and determined that my dad, A, was the best fit...and he told her she would have to wait. He was going through flight school and she agreed.

And now they're married.

And absolutely in love with each other.

For years A said he would never get a facebook account, he felt it was invasive and that people who had them just shared too much information, but as my mother and younger sister hopped on board, eventually he felt the pressure and caved in.

Now I'm seeing a side of my dad I've never seen before.

To be clear, it's not that my dad isn't romantic or that he lacked affection in the past, I just never was around to see it. But after being on facebook less than a week, I'm seeing things I never saw before.

For example, up until ...maybe a couple...oh...hours ago I never saw my dad smile for a picture with his teeth showing. Ever.

Tonight, my father is taking my mother out on a date. I know this because he posted about it on Facebook. My dad. Smiling. On Facebook. Bragging about how he's going on a date with his wife.

I was floored.

I'm not sure why this caught me by surprise, maybe because I'm not accustomed to my dad being so showy about love or maybe it's just because when I think about my parents the only dynamic that comes to mind is football season: my mom's an Eagles fan, my dad's a Cowboy's fan - it would suffice to say it gets ugly.

That being said, I love being able to see it. I love being surprised by the things my parents and friends do to make others know they are appreciated and loved.

So, today...don't take someone for granted. Love them, hug them, tell them you care...not because tomorrow they might be gone, but because they matter to you in that moment.

On Growing Up & Being Present

Monday was my Little One's first day of high school…I'm still not sure how I feel about it. My sister and I have 8 years between us and I think the scariest part of having that big of a gap between us is my constant thinking of her as the little one. 

If you compare the two of us, we're remarkably different. Growing up, I naturally excelled at my academics and was considered a social butterfly. My sister didn't have those same qualities.

I guess I attribute my attitude towards learning and towards social activity to how I was raised. I was used to moving a lot, being forced to shift according to my new circles of friends from a young age, I never complained about it. I would find my escape in reading, I hated going outside.

The Little One though, she loves being outside. Loves playing sports, loves sweating, but didn't have the same love of reading until recently. In fact it wasn't until the past year or so that she realized that life was much easier if she took the time to do her homework. Socially speaking, she has struggled, but is finally coming into her own and I am so proud.

I spoke to her on the phone after her first day ready to get the run down, to come to her aid, offer encouragement if she needed it, but instead I was greeted with something very different.

"Aren't you excited that your little sister is growing up?"

Honestly, I wasn't. Hearing those words actually caused my eyes to water a bit. It was a reminder that she was going to grow up, that she was going to get her heart broken by some idiot at some point, that one day she will lose her virginity, that one day she will get drunk, and one day she might get high and I won't know what to do, how to comfort her, what I should do.

I think of the relationship that I have with my older sister. Calling her that fateful day in tears, crying because I knew I had made the wrong choice…and having her be there for me. I remember days out with her in New York, getting drinks, having fun, dancing around and loving being around her and I worry that Little One and I might not have as close of a relationship as we should.

I'm not ready for her to grow up.
I'm not ready for her to get hurt.
I'm not ready for her to drive my car.
I'm not ready for her to go to prom in a gown.

I'm not ready for life to happen like this, I'm just getting accustomed to being on my own, the thought of her being on her own in just a few years scares me. I'm not excited that my little sister is growing up, and I told her. I told her that she was going to make me cry and she laughed nervously and apologized, then remarked smartly, "…but you know I'm always going to be a little kid to you. I mean, that's what happens when there's 8 years between two sisters."

And in that moment everything was okay…but just for that moment. My little, precious, annoying, ridiculous sister is growing up. She is officially a high school student with semesters instead of a year round schedule. She's taking courses that deal with career management and algebra and science and business and I'm too far away to guide her through all the trials and tribulations of those hallways.

What can I do from 11 hours away? What happens when my family moves farther away? What about when I move? And then it hits me right in the face: the same things my big sister did.

Be there. If not physically, through prayer, through conversation. When she calls, answer. When she texts, respond. If she emails, write back. All I can do is be there.