Get Lucky

This past week has been a blur of good decision making fun times with friends and tons - I mean tons - of good deals for me. I don't know how I've managed to have such good fortune as of late, but considering how different things were just over a week ago, I'm extra grateful and completely aware of how fast things can change in a small amount of time.

For example, on June 1st, I was pretty sure my life couldn't get much worse. I thought my story for my job had fallen through, had no idea where to go, then I found out that my apartment complex double charged me rent on top of other financial things that I had coming up and I wasn't getting paid until the coming Friday. In hindsight, which is always 20/20, I realize that while my anger/confusion was completely justified, it certainly wasn't the complete end of the world.

Then after making some very rational choices and finally calling for help (something I've always struggled with) things got better and then things got to be the best they could be with the entire situation being resolved without my bank account being cleared out.

Praise.

So, what else has been up? Well, Wednesday comes my oh-so-looking-forward-to-this-trip drive to Manchester, TN for my second go round at Bonnaroo, but because I'm on this whole let's be a grown up thing, I decided it was a good idea to get my car checked out.

Oh hey new expenses, what up?

It's almost time for an oil change, my air filter is considerably darker than it should be (and that's putting it lightly) and lo and behold, 3 of my tires are from 2008 - read as: you need to buy new tires because these ones probably won't be able to make the trip.

So now what? Well, since bargain hunting has turned into a thing for me, I went to work - and boy, oh boy, I got lucky. Long story short, I saved a bundle. Like...hundreds...saved...oh, glory. GLOR-RAY.

Anyway, this is a good news report for me and a reminder that so much can change in a short period of time. So often we get caught up in the right here, right now, we tend to never think about whether or not this thing no matter how big or small will matter in a month.

That being said, happy Monday - I'm saving money and I have a short work week! I'll try to post pictures from Bonnaroo throughout the week, but if I can't be sure to check out my Instagram for shots throughout the festival!

On faith and fear

"Faith is the substance of things unseen…and so is fear."

I had never thought of it that way, my grandfather has a special way of saying things that always come back to be so much more relevant than I ever realize and after a lovely morning conversation, those words (among many others) are still reverberating within my skull.

I've recently been in a fierce standoff with fear - and not just fear, but confidence in my abilities. I call it a standoff because it hasn't really been a fight, I've kinda let things happen and react to them rather than making things happen.

There's something about the uncertainty of the future that makes fears seem less like an unseen thing, but a definite. I know that fear has kept me from pursuing opportunities - I can recognize moments in time where I can't say a door was slammed in my face, I had simply looked at the door and walked by, too scared to knock because I was sure that the door would never open, that what was on the other side would be too much for me to handle, that I wouldn't be good enough, smart enough, that I wouldn't measure up to what the unknown people on the other side desired out of me.

It's a terrible way to go through life if I have to be completely honest, haha. Living at the mercy of unseen specters, sucking the joy out of your daily existence because you're so sure of something that you haven't even attempted. 

How many things have you not accomplished simply because you didn't try?

As I continued this conversation with my grandfather, that question began to bounce around my head. How many times had I killed a chance by simply not taking a risk?  It's crazy the logical reasons we can come up with to not pursue our purpose. It's not the right time… It's a bad economy, I have to take what I can get… I need more experience… when the truth of the matter is that we shut ourselves out for no reason. 

What's the worst that could happen? They say no. 

We seem to forget that life doesn't end there. If there's one thing this job I have now taught me, it's that no doesn't have to mean never. It just means not now. It doesn't mean to stop trying to reach that goal.

If every actor I knew stopped what they did because they heard a no, I wouldn't know many actors, lol. There's a beauty in rejection, there's beauty in continuing to fight for your life, your livelihood, your purpose, whatever it is that you love, you have to have some fight in you.

It all comes down to one thing: if I take a chance, believe in myself, I can't get discouraged by a no, but I can get discouraged if I allow my fear to stop me from asking a question, because nothing is more discouraging than letting fear - something that's all in your head - win.