Wednesday, November 7, 2012

It's been awhile

So much for regular posting, eh? Haha.

The past few weeks have been hard. I have fallen hard for someone, learned many things I didn't want to know, grew up a little bit, heard Michelle Obama speak, felt far away from God, heard Paul Ryan speak, did some stupid things, met some amazing people, got drunk, cried, screamed, covered an election night, saw my president get re-elected, and woke up.

I woke up with a lot on my mind and then I was reminded of how far away I've felt.

Tu crees en dios pero haces mal cosas...

Reading that feels like it's something that happens too often. I find myself sitting here on my bed, feet falling asleep as they hang off the edge from my awkward position, feeling convicted. How many bad things have I done since the last time I told God he was the only thing I wanted?

My brain is frazzled as I look back on nights that I spent pining for the touch of someone rather than praying for closeness to God, wishing for something bigger and better, believing that the things that I want or the things that I hold dear were more important than my salvation. Screaming. Cursing. Hating. Letting myself boil over until there was almost nothing good left in me.

I have fallen away.

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