They say you get to know yourself when you're in college...and I have found that that is a big, fat lie. Why? Because in college your social interactions are decided by the group that you're with, for example, if your friends are hip-hop heads you'll probably find yourself either learning more about music or maybe seeing more concerts, getting deeper and deeper in that culture which might bring you out to open mics which might get you into other random things and then BAM...you're having this realization that you've been in the dark all your life and that spoken word has been your calling for ever...or whatever your big *wham* moment is.
But you don't really get to know yourself until you get out of college and you're on your own in a city where you know no one. Where you're totally fending for yourself and literally only have your career to keep you warm at night--I mean, how else will you pay the bills, right? Right.
If there was one thing that I wish they taught you in high school or college, it would be making friends in the adult world. Sure, if you live in a big city, it's easy. There's a ridiculous amount of young people in these sprawling cities or college towns, but when you're in a teensy tiny town in the Panhandle, it gets to be a bit more difficult to make friendly with people who have been in the same place their entire life.
...and that's how things are right now.
Don't get me wrong, I enjoy where I am. There's plenty of pretty things to see and for the most part the people that I've encountered are great, but I miss college. I miss having people in their 20s that I could relate to, that I could be close to...and that just hasn't happened.
The problem with being a reporter is that you never really get to lay roots down anywhere when you're just beginning, unless you want to stay in your first job forever. I could never see myself staying where I am right now...many of the people who have been here have been here their entire lives and I have no idea how they can manage to be content...yet, they are...not only are they content, but they have their groups, their exclusive partnerships that are impossible to break through and yet I'm still trying.
I don't know what the point of this post is, but I guess I just want to remember today, when I, Ashley decided that I had enough with being pathetic and being sad and alone. The day I got tired of trying to break through people's walls and said maybe it's time that I face my fear of being alone and stop pushing for superficial friendships to sustain me, but learn how to sustain myself.
So yes...that's the point of this post. August 10, 2012. The day I became free.
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